Going Pro

Finally. Finally, I have graduated college and can now settle down and really focus on my work. You know, my writing. My novel which has been in the works for roughly fifteen years and is now half way done, that work. All the short stories that I started and stopped because I got busy with other things, like playing Barbies, and then going to frat parties, and then raising children, you know, that work. Oh—about those stories…so far the best one seems to be the one I started when I was eight about fish having a Halloween party— I definitely see some promise in that one. The others need some major reworking, but that’s okay because I am now a trained professional! I have a bachelor’s degree in writing! I am officially a Professional Writer.
And what’s the first thing a Professional Writer needs? A home office. I mean a real home office not one that consists of a murphy bed that is always in the down position even though the room has not hosted a guest in about three years but the cats r…

Post Mother's Day Thoughts

Mother’s Day is so very different when you yourselfare a mother, isn’t it?It was special when I was a child and it is even more special now that I am a mother. I remember one year when I was around ten years old, I saved my allowance all year to buy my mother a pair of owl salt and pepper shakers. I walked forever to the little store where I had seen them, even crossing a big major highway! Don’t worry, dad said it was okay. I remember that year my sister and I made mom breakfast in bed with permission from my dad of course, because we really weren’t supposed to use the stove. We weren’t supposed to use the stove but crossing a major highway in a state where most drivers are over 80 and blind was okay. How happy my mother was when she saw that tray with scrambled eggs and toast and juice just for her. I’m sure she wasn’t thinking about the gooey stream of egg drying on the stove burners that she would have to chip away at later, as this was way before we had Soft Scrub. I’m sure she w…

A Matter of Degrees

It is actually going to happen. This May, I am graduating college! I tried to extend my journey by applying to graduate school, but was turned down, in a very nice way though. I think the letter said “Uhm, no thanks, you seem like an awesome person but…no. Feel free to check out our website for other schools where you might have better luck. Have you considered DeVry Institute?
So the dream ends here. I have been talking with some of my fellow graduating seniors to see what they are doing now that they have degrees. One guy is taking a year off to play lacrosse in Australia, but many are already applying for jobs. I certainly don’t want to be left behind. Yes, I took 40 years to get through college but no more procrastinating! I have already done some research and here are some possibilities that might be worth looking into.
    Jobs I May Be Able To Get Now That I Will Have a Degree

1.Participant in rosacea study. This would be perfect if I had rosacea. Why could I not have been bless…

Rollin' With The Tide

Three times a week,  I enter my college classrooms and look around at young, really really young, shining faces. These kids are smart. They have read the classics. The know about past participles. They can diagram sentences in seconds while I'm still looking for the "action words." They smell nice—like oranges, like youth. I look at them,  envious of the time they still have, their whole lives ahead of them and think, "Okay which of you idiots are eating Tide pods?"

And why? Apparently it is some kind of challenge, and I hate challenges. I turned off my computer and didn't leave my house for a week during the whole ice bucket challenge, petrified someone would tag me and I would have to dump a bucket of water on my head and video it. Do I need all 52 of my Facebook friends knowing I look like a wet ferret without my root lifter? Isn't life hard enough?

Obviously this ridiculous new challenge led me to do some deep contemplation. I have never eaten a Ti…

In The Weeds

Yesterday I registered for my last semester of college, and I'll be honest with you— I felt pretty damn good. I conquered many obstacles along the way, including trying to explain to the Director of the English department what the class "Language in America" was. "It was 1978," I told him. "Your guess is as good as mine." But in May, at the age of 57, I will be a college grad. #nailedit.

I decided to treat myself with a dinner from Fresh Kitchen and I was giving myself the royal treatment. "You totally deserve it," I told myself. Instead of ordering the 4 bowl with 2 bases and 1 veg and 1 protein, I went for the gold. I got 2 proteins! I could get used to this, I thought, thinking of the major publishing job I will get now that I have a college degree. I will probably have to get a little place in New York City when Simon and Schuster hires me, this of course is before my novel skyrockets to number 1 and the movie begins filming. I should h…