So, the day is almost here. Saturday my book, There's Been A Change Of Plans—A Memoir About Divorce, Dating And Delinquents, is being released on Amazon. And needless to say I am beside myself. Also, I am petrified, because as I was writing it, it didn't really occur to me that people would actually be READING it. It's sort of like when I wrote that email to my sister about how fat my stomach looked in a tankini and then mistakenly sent it to my real estate client.
I mean, do I really want my kids to know that I was stood up on my first Match.com date at a tiki bar, where I showed up in my new Anthropologie shawl? (Remember? They had a brief resurgence a few years back.) Does the world really need to know that my gynecologist asked me to "Please remind me next year to use the extra long speculum?" No, nobody needs to know that, but...there it is.
When I recently read the finished product, I remembered WHY I began to write it. The book begins with the day that changed my life forever and I remember it like it was yesterday. And I also remember the day that I realized I had to file for divorce. The game was over. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed and feeling totally alone. My friends were all married, in fact right that minute, as I sat on my bed wondering what was to become of me, they were all home preparing dinner for their husbands and children. Salmon or steak, that was all they had to worry about, (in MY mind), not gathering cell phone records, and bank statements.
I began to search for answers, for help, for comfort. I ordered books by the dozen seeking advice on how to get through each day— how did other women survive this event that I perceived to be the end of my life in a way. One person wrote about meditation. Tried it. Discovered a two inch long hair on my ankle and got super paranoid. One woman wrote about her husband leaving her for another woman. Yes yes!! She gets me!! She went on to talk about how she and her two little boys moved into her parents apartment on Park Avenue and she was able to resume her career as a wife on a top show about lawyers on CBS. Phew!
See what I'm saying? Where were the poor shlubs like me, who hadn't ever worked, decided to get married instead of going to college and had four children who's world had just come crashing down, but whom I did not have the strength to guide into a new one? And then I realized there must be others out there like me. Somewhere, there had to be another woman who was sitting on her bed thinking WTF do I do NOW. And so I began to write, and it's all there. Every bit of it.
So, I guess my point is, this book is for all of those women, (and anybody who likes a good laugh)
who think their life is over, because I want them to know that it is just beginning. Sure it sounds like a cliche, chin up, new beginning, blah, blah, but it really IS! Is divorce devasting? Yes. It is devastating and crushingly sad. There will be days that you think you cannot go on, and then your little boy will stick his head into your bedroom and say, "Mom I'm out of socks" and you won't say, "Wear flip flops" like I did. You will rise up, and you will wash his socks and you will go about your life, and it will get easier and better and then one day it will be fucking great and you will be so proud of yourself. You will reinvent, you will find new passions, you will thrive.
So...anyway, THAT'S why I wrote it. As soon as it hits, I will post the link to facebook. I hope you will let me know what you think.
Ex-Wife New Life: living life newly single at 50 while overcoming the pain of divorce and moving on. Visit us @ http://facebook.com/ex.wife.new.life OR participate @ http://forum.exwifenewlife.com