Divorce: Cross Your Bridge, But Don't Burn It
Well, I'm sure you've noticed it's been quite a while since I've posted on my blog and I have a very good excuse, it's called a job. I don't know who came up with this concept, but they sure didn't have a sense of humor. For starters, they do not get that you need to come in late on Monday because you haven't quite finished binge watching OITNB Season 3. They also do not see a 2 for 1 Happy Hour from 5-7 at The Oyster Bar, a reason to leave early. So as you can see, my blogging time has been cut tremendously. Especially now that I have discovered The Masters Of Sex on showtime. Isn't Bill so creepy? Ew.
Anyway, it came to my attention that this past Monday was the 4 year anniversary of my divorce. Four years ago Monday, Ex and I came together in the judge's chambers, held hands and cried as we were each given a copy of our final divorce decree, before heading our separate ways and forging new lives. His new life seems to involve lots of travel to amazing places, while mine involves traveling to Nordstrom Rack in Sarasota every other month, (They have Spanx now!) but the point is we've moved on, and we are both happy.
I hardly ever write about divorce anymore. When I started this blog, it defined me. That's how I saw myself, DIVORCED first, mom second, alone, alone alone. Obviously that changed, and M and I have been in a committed relationship for years now, and I am happy as I've ever been. But I recently had an experience that proved to me, that though our marriage is over, our bond will never be broken, because of four little things I like to call... our children.
Several weeks ago I was at that job thing, and I went into a meeting and left my phone on my desk because, I didn't want to be disturbed by Netflix telling me that season 5 of Downton Abbey was now available, especially since I had already paid the 19.99 to Amazon so that I could watch it. So I went into my meeting, which if I recall was about google analytics, which I can sum up in two words.."Um...WHAT?" Anyhooo, I go back to my desk and see I have missed four calls from EX. This means that either he just discovered that I still have access to that old vacation fund we started in 1998, which now has 113.47 in it, or something horrible has happened, and unfortunately, it turned out to be the latter.
With pounding heart and shaking fingers I hit voice call by his name and he answered with, "I'm looking for her," and I screamed "WHO! WHO,!?" and he said, "Haley has had an accident, and I am on my way." "Is she okay?" I managed to whisper, feeling my knees go weak and he answered, "I don't know. I will call you as soon as I'm there."
So, I went back to my table, and just sat there as all the lucky people who's daughter had not been in what may be a fatal accident continued writing their posts about the best morning smoothie recipes ever. EVER! Finally he calls and I answer bracing myself for what every parent knows is the one thing in life they could not bear. "She's okay,"he says. "I'm with her now."
"Oh my God," I say as I start to cry. "Really?"
"Yup" he says, "She's her old self, texting away in the ambulance."
"AMBULANCE!" I scream..."Which hospital?" and I write it down. I then tell my boss who is the same age as Haley that I must leave, which I do. The hospital is within walking distance of my office and I run all the way. (Carrying a computer bag filled with a prehistoric MacBook Air, a banana and an Amy's frozen entree. May have looked homeless, now that I think about it...)
I arrive at the hospital and a nurse takes me to the ER cubicle where Haley and Ex are. I pull back the curtain and see my baby, lying on a gurney, a puddle of blood forming beneath it, her face cut, black and blue, one blue eye swollen shut. My ex is standing over her, holding her hand telling her all will be well. We make eye contact and immediately I begin to sob, we stand over her together, knowing how lucky we are, she's okay, she's okay, she's okay.
It was then I realized the marriage is over, but the bond cannot be broken. We have four people in the world that we made together that we both love more than anything. Eventually there will be weddings, (COME ON MER!) babies, and every little person who comes from all of this will have a little bit of both of us swimming around in their DNA.
So, my message here is this: Divorce sucks, but life goes on. For most people, when you leave the table with your settlement in hand, you are angry, you are sad, you have been wronged. But time passes, and the good things in life begin to outweigh the bad. Don't burn your bridges. Forgive each other so that you can share the joys that are coming because of that one day you looked into each other's eyes and said "I do."
Now, if I'm not mistaken, the final season of Mad Men should be ready for streaming, somewhere. So, let the good times roll!
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