Decoratively Challenged



                                                                                                                  HOLIDAY DECOR

As I mentioned in my last post, Thanksgiving is around the corner and I cannot wait. I have made my shopping list and already purchased a 25 pound turkey at Publix where I had a run in with the check out girl because she insisted I put it on the treadmill after I asked her to come scan it in the cart. I tried to explain to her that I had a bad back and she remained adamant so the bag boy finally came over and hoisted the thing up there. I did however get a free reusable shopping bag with Pilgrims on it which is in the top of the pantry with all the other free reusable bags that I never use, let alone REUSE.

Anyway, tomorrow M and I will do the big shopping, dividing the day between Publix and Costco. I really love that we do this. When I was married, it was always just me running around like a crazy person, and when I finally put my beautiful dinner on the table my ex would look at me and say, "What, no eggnog?" The only thing that scares me about M and I shopping together is that I am afraid we are turning into that old couple that has one car, you know where the man drives the woman everywhere and waits for her while reading the paper? I totally see it coming.

Anyway, I feel good about everything, except for one aspect...decor. I can cook up a mean turkey dinner but my holiday decor leaves much to be desired. (See above) Every year I buy more stuff to help make my home and table welcoming and real Thanksgivingy.  I probably have like 15 little wooden turkeys and Pilgrim guys along with my kids artwork from preschool.  I lay everything out on the table in what I think is an esthetically appealing arrangement, yet it looks more like the arts and crafts table in a kindergarten class. I admit it, it's not my strong suit.

This year, as every year I turn to Ina Garten the Barefoot Contessa for tips. I just want to go live in her house and eat dinner with her and Jeffrey (are they still married?) every night while we share amusing stories about my kids and stuff. I picture Jeffrey refilling my glass with a deep red Merlot while I ramble on, "And then you would not believe what happened in third grade!" as he and Ina chuckle at my tale. Then I retire into one of Ina's unbelievable guest rooms which probably all smell like cinnamon cookies and fall blissfully asleep dreaming of breakfast.

I always look through her books and am amazed at what she does. Her turkey is beautifully sliced into perfect pieces whereas mine looks as if it has been ripped apart by wolves. Also, who decorates with dried cranberries? I want my centerpiece to be a beautiful arrangement of fresh herbs and cranberries too! And what's more unbelievable, everyone has a MATCHING wine glass. I always use my extra big ST.PETE PIER one with the big pelican on it and the rest are various shapes, sizes and colors— every man for himself.

Oh well, this year I bought some new Rachel Ray plates with acorns on them and bright orange napkins which now I'm afraid will give off a Halloweeney vibe. I also bought two new turkeys that sit on the table with their legs hanging off which should really take it up a notch. M and I are starting a new family tradition this year that entails a tequila shot before dinner. And really who needs dried cranberries when you have Turkey, tequila and togetherness.

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  1. Read this aloud to my husband and kept getting so tickled I had to stop and start again. The two turkeys 'taking it up a notch' just about did us in (we have those) and btw, we ARE that one-car couple, except Himself sits in the car and reads on his Kindle, no Ludites, us. So there!


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