The True Life Adventures of David, Steve and Gary

Below are three reasons why I decided to take a break from online dating.

First off there was David, (I am using REAL names as they should be ashamed of themselves and also, what are the chances they will read this blog?)  We met at Ocean Prime restaurant which is quite upscale and swank, and I found him at a side table, making his way through a mediocre bottle of cabernet. After the introductions,  he immediately pulled out a photo of his ex who is a hair stylist to local celebs and models, that is, provided they get their hair done at the JC Penney's salon in Westshore Mall.  She is an ungrateful bitch and a gold digger.   She is moving to California.  Who cares.  Who needs her anyway.  Nothing but good to her.  She only takes never gives.  Why is she leaving.  Why.  How can she do this.

I order a martini and inhale the free bowl of popcorn while he wipes tears from his eyes and pours another glass of cab.  Around me are couples cozying up by the outdoor fireplace.  I don't want to cozy up to David.   I suggest he go to his ex immediately and beg her to stay so that I can finish my drink in peace and order a wedge salad. Go west young man.  Go.  Bye now.

Next was Steve.  This one was really fun.  We met at Cheesecake Factory for dessert.  Imagine my delight when I returned from the restroom to find he was no longer at our table.  Then, imagine my humiliation and rage to see him laughing hysterically at another table thinking he played a silly joke on me.  Fucking idiot.

Finally, there was Gary.  I allotted him 30 minutes for coffee at the local Dunkin Donuts.  After gazing at me longingly while describing his at home (aka garage) gym he suggested I may want to meet his mother and sister.  Lucky for me this became possible the next evening when he showed up at a wine tasting event I was attending with my friend, mom and sis in tow.  He invited me to eat dinner with them which I declined as I told him my friend and I had already eaten.  This rubbed him the wrong way when 30 minutes later he walked into Side Berns Restaurant, where I was sitting at the bar eating a cheeseburger the size of a soccer ball.

Okay.   Enough.  I have vodka, flat screen tv and a dog.  I am content.  Ugh, but I have one more date already committed to.  I tell myself this is the last one.  I am taking a six month reprieve from dating and will focus my energy don't know, anything else, I'm sure I can come up with something.  Perhaps I will volunteer at my kids' school.

I know, that made me laugh too.

Anyway, stay tuned for part 2 of this story where I meet a man who will be referred to only by his initial.  This could be serious.

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