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Today I officially performed my first "Unfriend" on facebook and I feel terrible about it. It was a guy I dated in college a few times, and he was playing some kind of farm game which kept inviting me to buy a pig and ride a tractor. Every morning I would log in, thrilled to see I had 10 messages, only to find that C had bought a new cow.

I have been unfriended by my children loads of times, and yes it hurts. The following "wall" exchange got me in big trouble with my daughter M in New York City,
"Time for a new tat, any ideas?"
"I have a great idea, how about I send your father up there to bring you home?"
"MOM GET OFF OF HERE"

My daughter H who is a tiny, petite blonde, is continually posting lyrics from rap songs, for instance:
"But in this game you only lose when you fight back, black diamond bracelets, showing you the basics..."
"H you are white and Jewish. Please stop."
BLOCKED.

I have to admit that for awhile I did use FB to stalk Giselle. I was able to log on with my daughter's account and track her daily comings and goings. This is how I found out about the couple's sailing lessons. So THIS is how they kept themselves busy, while I was driving to baseball practices and delivering my son to his community service sessions. Another mystery solved.

We went sailing one time, and I have a photo of me just getting on the boat. I was wearing a baseball cap, brand new deck shoes with socks, long shorts and a fanny pack to keep my cell phone from getting wet. She had on a white sundress, was barefoot and her long blonde hair was blowing in the wind. I guess the Swiss don't believe in shoes with nonslip treads on a wet boat. Whatever.

Imagine my shock and awe to see a picture of my ex preparing what looked to be a paella. This is a man who never once went into a grocery store, much less turned on a stove. When I came home after being gone a few days for a "surgical" procedure I commented that there was no milk. "I know, we were waiting for you," he said.

I would examine the group photos closely, looking for traitors, friends of ours who were now friends of theirs. I stared at their furniture, their food, the art on the walls. It appears she did not let him hang his "PENISES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM" poster on the living room wall like he did at my place.

Anyway, my lurking has slowed down quite a bit in the last few months as I've been trying to put my energy into finding a career and a new favorite show that does not involve food. Any ideas? Just facebook me.




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