Greygoose Dirty, Hold the Olives

 I have been reading alot about nasolabial folds lately.  Every time I google plastic surgery, that is always highlighted.  "We can fix your nasolabial folds!"  For those not as familiar with plastic surgery lingo as I am, these are the deep lines that go from your nose to your chin.  Everytime I read this I run to the mirror to see if I have folds and it appears that I do, nasolabial and otherwise.

I have noticed a few changes since I turned 50.  First off, my hair and eyebrows are thinning, while my mustache seems to be coming in better than ever.  My arms have gross dark freckles on them and my feet, which used to have nice high arches, would now be considered 4F.  But it was an experience I had a few nights ago that made me think I may need to take action.

     I was sitting at a bar with some friends and ordered a Greygoose dirty martini with blue cheese olives.  I love ordering this drink.  It is a big girl drink and I think it makes me look cool and sophisticated and maybe like a lawyer or business woman unwinding after a really tough day.  I like to pretend I am someone who has clients.  When I order this drink I usually say, "Greygoose martini, with blue cheese olives, dirty. And I like it realllllly dirty," and the waiter laughs and winks at me and we all think I am so funny.  Well this time when I ordered and fluttered my eyelashes at the waiter he said "Ugh.  That's gonna take me some time.  I'm gonna have to go in the back and stuff the olives," and stomped off as if to say "You old hag, what do you need blue cheese for."
     Well I was aghast to put it mildly.  I had on my super nice, low cut Kenneth Cole sweater (albeit with a SPANX camisole underneath,) and hoop earrings, surely he's gay.  But it left a mark and made me wonder is it time to do something drastic?  Like diet and exercise?  No, not yet.  Let's not get crazy.  I am thinking of trying plastic surgery first.
     I made an appointment with Dr. C, who gives me a shot of botox now and then, to just get his opinion on what could be done.  Of course, I sort of hoped he would be like "You?  What could you possibly need?  Don't be silly, just keep using your moisturizer and come back in five years!"  Needless to say, that's not how it went down.
     I was led into a stark white room with horrendous lighting. There were photos taken that I was forced to look at.  Then Dr. C and I sat side by side on rolling stools, while he held a high definition mirror up in front of my face.  From there he was able to point out my nasolabial folds, my flattening cheek bones, my excess eye skin, and the ever so slight but definitely there,  jaw jowls.  Ouch.  It was frightening and overwhelming but then he turned to me and said something that continues to haunt me on a daily basis:
"I can fix this."
      He can FIX THIS!!  There is hope, that one day I can rejoin society without waiters having hissy fits about my blue cheese olives.  I can face the world minus nasolabial folds, perhaps the day will even come when I won't have to wheel my own cart out of Publix, while trying to balance 3 cases of Fresca, 2 gallons of Lactaid milk and several boxes of Skinny Cows.  Back in the day, bag boys would insist on helping me out with a sub sandwich and a diet coke.
     But then I have to ask myself, at what point do I go from taking care of myself and being the best I can be at this age, to trying to turn back the clock that is eventually going to catch up with me anyway.  Well, I plan to think this over for awhile, hopefully my sagging jowls will stay above my shoulders until I make the decision to either fix them or live with them.  In the meantime, I guess I will be having my Greygoose, dirty, with pimento olives.



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